Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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