You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
being pregnant is like rehab
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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