i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There r osticjed everywhere
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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