I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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