pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
