I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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