Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
