I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
