Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
