I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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