Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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