Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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