did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
