yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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