My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
