He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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