maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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