As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
