She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
