I think i peed on brittanys purse
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
