Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
