Where is the hickey?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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