New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
