i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
