apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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