Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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