you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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