Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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