a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
