Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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