I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
