I hate your face
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
