I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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