i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
