In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
