Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
