my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
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