I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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