I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
