yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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