Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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