after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
