Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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