i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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