Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
