i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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