If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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