i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
