marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
We just shotgunned beers for America
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
