i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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