I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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