Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
