i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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