worst night to have a conscience
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
