hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It's never too late to be topless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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